Thursday, May 20, 2010

Spring Poem, is it good. Will i get a good grade?

Visions of spring time,

Paints a picture in my mind.

In fact so distinct,

That I can almost smell,

The sweetness,

Of the spring flowers,

That are beginning to grow.

As the cold winter breeze,

Progressively warms,

Now letting the sunlight,

Shine onto the trees to bring life,

To new leaves.

Spring time is near,

The dark skies of winter

Are no more.

The sun stays later,

Making the days feel longer,

All because Spring is now here.

Hear the birds chirping in the distance,

Singing their song,

Calling out to one another.

The Delightful assortments

Of tulips and daffodils.

Fills the portrait, in my imagination

With a rainbow of colors.

A portrait so real,

I feel as if I were,

Walking on crisp green grass,

Smelling the fresh flowers

Tasting this seasons fruit,

While feeling the wind blow,

Through my hair.

Listening to the sounds,

Of the ocean,

The waves smacking back and forth.

Watching the children,

Playing outside,

Enjoying the outdoors.

Spring time is like no other,

Somewhere from far,

it comes once a year.

Spring Poem, is it good. Will i get a good grade?
You are a 'horribly good' poetess.

You shall get an A+ but even that is too less to credit your skill!!!

you deserve something like AAAAA++++++++++++++++++

in poems there is nothing called grammar, all's good as long as the reader can understand it, all your spellings will really right
Reply:Well, that's part of the beauty of poetry, grammar doesn't have as much of a foothold as elsewhere in literature. The poem itself seems all right. I can see you are attempting to draw on the various aspects of springtime. You seem to flood the reader with such a variety of images, which is good. When read the quick succession of imagery, which shifts focus continually almost shows your excitement. It's as if you're running through the new springtime, excitedly pointing everything out, and dragging the audience by the hand quickly behind you.

Any time you can intensify the wording, I would consider doing it. You poem will have a larger impact the more the audience can "feel" the images you're describing to them. Upon first reading it, I will confess I though that perhaps you should have used less images and flushed some of the ones you did use out more completely. However, in hindsight, perhaps your way does work better. The quick, successive images, one after the other is an interesting presentation. So, all in all, seems fair enough to me.

As for making your half minute deadline, the key is your presentation. You poem looks more than adequate to be read and last that long. Just don't get nervous and read too fast. When meeting time goals in a class I always remind myself to breath and not get nervous. Take your time and your poem will last more than you need it to. Also, reading too quickly would work against the imagery. You want to read at a good enough clip to force the audience to stay with you, but you don't want to lose them. Good luck!
Reply:I almost catch the smell,

the sweetness.

Of the spring flowers,

use the name of GOD of spring and winter could be more personality.

Ha,ha , I have no idea. just kidding. Don''t believe me.
Reply:I'm a poet myself, and I think you did very good for a first time poet. Keep up with the great writing skills. If you have problems with the spelling of certain words, or need to know what word could replace another , but they have a similar meaning. Down load the "word web" to your computer. This has helped me greatly. You deserve an A!
Reply:That's a decent poem. Here's two things you could work on:

1) note that punctuation can be omitted in poems. I think removing many of the commas in your poem would make it read much smoother.

2) try to play with the idea of a metaphor in your poem, or a symbol you want to associate with spring, and try to link your poem into that.

Good job, though. The more poems you write the better they'll get.

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