Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Spring Poem, is it good, Will I get a good Grade?

Visions of spring time,


Paints a picture in my mind.


In fact so distinct,


That I can almost smell,


The sweetness,


Of the spring flowers,


That are beginning to grow.


As the cold winter breeze,


Progressively warms,


Now letting the sunlight,


Shine onto the trees to bring life,


To new leaves.


Spring time is near,


The dark skies of winter


Are no more.


The sun stays later,


Making the days feel longer,


All because Spring is now here.


Hear the birds chirping in the distance,


Singing their song,


Calling out to one another.


The Delightful assortments


Of tulips and daffodils.


Fills the portrait, in my imagination


With a rainbow of colors.


A portrait so real,


I feel as if I were,


Walking on crisp green grass,


Smelling the fresh flowers


Tasting this seasons fruit,


While feeling the wind blow,


Through my hair.


Listening to the sounds,


Of the ocean,


The waves smacking back and forth.


Watching the children,


Playing outside,


Enjoying the outdoors.


Spring time is like no other,


Somewhere from far,


it comes once a year.

Spring Poem, is it good, Will I get a good Grade?
Just a few very small suggestions:





"Making the days deliciously longer" instead of "feel longer" because they don't feel longer; they are longer.





I'd end it: "Somewhere from afar,


It comes but once a year."





I think it's great - it's light and moves along quickly. I can feel the light, airy days and smell the flowers.


I'd give you an A on it - :)
Reply:"Grammar" is spelled with 2 "a"s, first off.





Second line, it should be "paint" not "paints" because it is the "visions" that paint and they are plural.





"Delightful assortment" not "assortmentS" for the tulips and daffodils so it matches the singular verb "fills".





Just watch that you keep your subject and verbs matched )plural or singular.)





I suggest you change the third line to


"so distinctly" instead of "in fact so distinct". It makes a nicer flow to the words.





Other than that, you're OK.





I tweaked a few of your word choices, see below.





Visions of spring time,


Paint a picture in my mind.


so distinctly,


That I can almost smell,


The sweetness,


Of the spring flowers,


beginning to grow.


As the cold winter breeze,


Progressively warms,


Now letting the sunlight,


Shine onto the trees


Bringing life


To new leaves.


Spring time draws near,


and dark skies of winter


Are no more.


The sun stays later,


The days feel longer.


Hear the birds in the distance,


Singing their songs,


Calling out to one another.


A brilliant assortment


Of tulips and daffodils.


Fills my imagination


With a rainbow of colors.


A landscape so real,


I feel as if I were


Walking on crisp green grass,


Smelling the fresh flowers,


Tasting this seasons fruit,


Feeling the wind blow,


Through my hair.


Hearing the sounds


Of the ocean,


The waves smacking back and forth.


Watching the children


Playing outside,


Enjoying the reborn world.


Spring time is like no other,


Somewhere from afar,


Returning to restore us


Every year.
Reply:The grammar of the second line is wrong. 'Paint' is correct, not 'paints'. Visions paint, not visions paints. As for your grade, no one here can predict your grade since we know nothing about the class, the teacher, the grade, nothing.
Reply:gosh its beautiful


but the words that in line 4 and smacking sound a bit awkward


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